You come home after a long day at school/ college/ work hoping to find quietness and rest but alas that hope is short lived when your parents start screaming at each other. It doesn’t stop there because suddenly you’re dragged into the picture and become the punching bag, taking the brunt from both sides.
There you stand wondering what you did to deserve all of that and so out of frustration you probably scream out as well trying to fight for your rights. For some this scenario is never ending. For others the only way out is to switch off and try to forget that you even belong in that family. Those caught in the crossfire say “Aye.”
Sometimes the turbulence blows over in a couple of days but other times things just get way out of hand. Here we have some reminders to help you not lose your head when the ride feels like you’re alone in a plummeting 747 without a pilot, spiralling to an uncertain doom.
Cover Your Tracks
You’re not alone. It’s a full flight and sadly more and more kids are facing the same dilemma each day. And more often than not, the situation is as it is, by no fault of your own whatsoever. And as every other time of turbulence in our lives, God’s not having a snooze or coffee break. He never leaves the cockpit. But He can always use your co-operation in any case.
For one, don’t aggravate your parents or the situation! You may not be the topic or cause of the argument but don’t take it for granted; keep it that way. Staying out late, chatting too much on the phone/ net, leaving your butt print permanently indented in the sofa and not helping with chores are some common ways to building up an unwanted bon-fire. If you must continue with your ‘teen activities’ then at least be discreet enough to avoid attracting the negative attention of your parents, e.g. having a pool party when you have no pool!
Try Being Neutral
Sometimes, it may be tempting to manipulate the circumstances for your personal gain, be it monetary or plain favour. Manipulating a situation can cause much heartaches in the long run as your parents may start thinking that you’re being faithful to one and not the other. Try to remain neutral (it’s hard but do try). Your heart may be torn in two but being diplomatic and respectful may carry you a long way.
Surviving the Reality
Most times it would be easier to stay out of the home, wish you could be married off and not face the harshness and pain of your parents fights. Or for some, you might just promise yourselves never to marry because of the poor example you see in your parents. Perhaps because of the lack of the love at home you might go out and start looking for love from someone else to fill your lack or need.
It often helps if you share your feelings with someone who can help you. Of course in reality we often run to our peers who might be in the same boat and start complaining. A trusted friend who will listen to your woes and is able to advise you positively would really help you a lot. Don’t be afraid to seek for counsel. You need to release all that burden and tension that is wearing you out.
As for immediate release of tension try finding a quiet corner to breath and calm down, journal down your angry, hurt feelings, take a walk (if it won’t aggravate the situation!), do the house chores etc…just get the tension off.
Life Still Carries On
In such an undesirable event as a domestic disagreement, it is quite probable that you’re denied the usual loving attention and care. Have a healthy avenue to be yourself and to direct your focus on. Be in the company of other people especially your ever-loyal CG/ YF/ CF brothers and sisters. Don’t neglect yourself as a person emotionally, physically, mentally or spiritually. Make sure you eat right, exercise and interact sufficiently and don’t ignore your needs lest you fall in to the sad and sorry state of stagnant self-pity.
And most importantly, pray. The belief that the home is the source of all love and happiness may be shaken apart in such circumstances which is precisely why we must always find our security in something more; our truly loving heavenly Father. |
